Archive | May, 2011

Woah woah Wednesday!

26 May

Dear Annette,

Today was my first day actually working behind the scenes with the cats. Let me tell you right now – this summer is going to be AWESOME, if today was any indication. What did I do? Did I sit down in a hot chair all day, watching inconsiderate gremlins and deal with the joyous management at the base pool? Heck no. I:

  • Was outside most of the day.
  • Met Quilliam the African porcupine, Francis the Red River hog, cheetahs galore, 2 Angolian shepherds, a grouchy ocelot, cervals, a fishing cat, and Joe and Tec – the two cutest baby cougars you could possibly ever imagine.
  • Cleaned algae out of the fishing cat’s pond.
  • Learned about food prep and the medicine you give cats for healthy joints.
  • Hung out with Quilliam while we watched everyone practice the cat show.
  • Cleaned a ton of cages and hid catfish bait in different places for enrichment.
  • Basically, had the time of my life.

I love this internship. And because of it, I got a job job at the zoo on weekends working in admissions! It pays more than lifeguarding, and it will be incredible. I love nothing more than walking through the zoo in my polo and khakis and badge, and have little kids point to me and think I’m a keeper. I love pointing people in the right direction, helping kids through exhibits, and preparing for the day when I actually feed the cheetahs their dinners. I love it so much this is kind of getting cheesy.

In other news, I have more exciting stories. Today, I was supposed to go to a Speedy Feet triathlon and volunteer my lifeguarding services. However, I got stuck in famous Cincinnati rush hour, so I rolled up during the biking portion. So, I met my dad there (his friend owns/run Speedy Feet) and together we dove in this freezing lake to retrieve the buoys. And as I was getting the last one, tornado sirens in two counties were going off and lightning was splintering across the purple sky. It was just a really interesting experience. The water was really cold, but the air was really warm, so when I got out, it felt like the outside was giving me a really warm hug. Kind of like it was saying “Ok, Elisabeth, I’m about to tornado the heck out of this place, so hurry up and drive home safe.”So I left, and I listened to the thunder with the windows down so the warm breeze could dry out my lake-water hair.

And also! You know how how I told you that we were robbed on Friday? Scary, huh? Especially because, you know, most of our windows don’t latch and our door knob perpetually falls off. Anyways, last night, someone kept running down our alley, knocking on the windows and totally freaking us the HECK out. So, we barricaded ourselves in with broken doors, a turnstile, and a sign, and me and Audra camped out in the living room all night. I don’t really feel safe here anymore. Last night, I slept with weapons (a hockey stick and a metal rose?) at my fingertips just in case. I am pretty hyped to move to Euclid.

Me with weapon #1 – a hockey stick.
This rounded out all we could find in the house – a shovel and a rake.

Well, that about rounds out my stories. I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really (I typed those ALL OUT – no copy/paste here!) miss you. So please email more! I treasured the one from Monday! Continue being happy and safe!




Monday adventures

17 May

Dear Annette,

I don’t know if you have time to check this out yet, but I do know you will read this one day. The following is a story too good not to share. I am even going to include pictures to illustrate just how grand my Monday was.

Here’s a little introductory back story. Every Monday, I meet up with my friends Audra and Leslie and we go on an adventure together. Sometimes the adventure is mundane, like going to the bank like adults. But usually, the adventure is off the hook. Examples include: going to Mendelson’s Liquidation Outlet in Dayton and buying matching softball shirts and U of Miami Hurricanes sweatshirts, and then sneaking into the Dayton Dragon’s stadium, adventures in Eden Park, becoming root beer connoisseurs, and urban exploring – going to the top of Carew Tower to the observation deck, sneaking into pools at hotels, and various other hijinks.We call ourselves the Monday Adventure Crew, and when we leave buildings we say “Hurricanes, storm out,” in reference to our matching sweatshirts. Basically,we’re totally cool and everybody is jealous. Below are pictures of us at Liz’s rainy soccer game, as examples of just how boss we tend to look.



Occasionally, we start our adventures at this diner downtown called Joe’s, pictured below:

This particular Monday was no different. We rolled up and then attempted to play Tom Jones’ “What’s New Pussycat” at least 21 times on the jukebox, but they didn’t have it. So after bashing on chicken and waffles and omelets, we hit the high road. The destination?

Petersburg, Kentucky.Why?

To see the infamous Creation Museum.

You see, we are always looking for Monday adventures that will provide us with plenty of radical stories to tell. After hearing about the Creation Museum – a museum in Kentucky created (haha – pun intended) by an organization called Answers in Genesis, whose aim is to educate the masses about the falsehoods of evolutionary theory and provide scientific explanations for the creation of life on Earth – I just knew some good stories would come out of this experience. After I told Leslie and Audra about the cavemen riding dinosaurs on exhibit that I heard about, they were instantly sold. So, after chicken and waffles and omelets at Joe’s, we drove down to Kentucky and dropped way too much money on admission (sorry guys! That was my bad) to see this incredible sight.

Here, I could probably insert some very intense opinions about what I witnessed inside of the Creation Museum. I could probably write a good nine or ten paragraphs about how I feel about things like evolution, the Enlightenment, religion, and specialized dentition, but that is just not what this blog post is about. Also, there wasn’t even a caveman riding a dinosaur – only a dinosaur with a saddle upon which visitors could pose and take pictures.

I think I make a pretty cute cavewoman if I do say so myself.

Those things aside, it’s what happened when we were leaving is what I want to focus on. Right outside the museum, there was this row of huge planters, all connected by a single black chain. On the other side was a security guard directing traffic. Leslie looked at me and said “Elisabeth, we should totally hurdle the chain.” Audra overheard her and said “No. I wouldn’t!” Leslie jogged up to the chain and then simply stepped over it. And you know me – I did steeple and hurdled plenty back in high school! And I refuse to be outdone. So, I took a couple steps back, lined myself up perfectly with the chain, and started running. Leslie was cheering, Audra was telling me to back out IMMEDIATELY.

I took a leap.

I thought I made it.

Suddenly, everything was blurry, my knee hurt REALLY bad, and I was on the ground. I obviously didn’t make it. My foot caught the chain at the last second and broke when I dive-bombed the ground. The security guard ran over asking if I was ok, and Leslie or Audra put my glasses back on my face – like how the Scooby Gang helps out Velma whenever she loses her glasses. I stood up, took stock of my surroundings, and tried to fix the chain. Audra and Leslie were laughing so hard that it wasn’t even audible. The security guard came over, and after ascertaining I was indeed alright, said “Just get out of here.”

Sheepishly, I walked to the car. Leslie and Audra were still in stitches, like the ones shown below:

Those are the stitches from my lifeguarding accident. Is it any wonder that I fell when I tried to leap the plastic chain?

This was the only wound I came out with during this incident, as well as an identical bruise on the other knee.

And that, my friend, is how you get kicked out of the Creation Museum.




7 May

Dear readers,

I feel a little like a teenager who has the house to herself for a weekend – time to throw a rager! Annette is even more thousands of miles away – I can’t text or call her on a whim, and I know she probably won’t have internet for another day or so. So you know what that means! Elisabeast has free reign over the blog! I think I might make it all orange, and have tattoo art as a theme, just to super freak her out. Kind of like when the parents come home to find their prized chandelier has been ripped from the ceiling and used as a frisbee – that kind of super freaked out.

Ok, ok, I’m totally 100% kidding. I miss Annette SO MUCH! And in an effort to keep her (and also all of you radical readers) up to date as to what is going down, this post is an accumulation of all of the events that have transpired recently that are worthy of being retold.

So, you already know about my stretch of bad luck. Much to my surprise, it kept going after the almost-amputation. No really. This kinda thing is not reserved for movies. Clumsy me dropped my iPhone face down on the sidewalk, in such a perfect way that it completely shattered the screen. I’m currently as broke as the basement dryer, so I’m just going to tempt fate by running my hands over broken glass every day. I’m daring like that.

Next, I completely didn’t see this curb in the parking lot of Home Depot, and after a couple of my homies and I visited Audra, I ran it over in the Honda. Hard. But, everything was dandy until I was on the highway with Leslie, when the engine splash shield broke and dragged on the ground all the rest of the way home. I kid you not, it sounded like we had run over a pallet of sandpaper and hauled it under the car all of the way back. Later, after removing the hunk of plastic that is the splash shield, I drove to my mother’s high school to see her before I went home. The offending, mutilated part was stowed in the trunk, and I couldn’t find a dumpster anywhere. So, feeling a little (kidding, a LOT) like a serial murderer, I sneakily crept behind a shed on the edge of the school property, and stowed the evidence of my car abuse.

These two events, combined with worker’s comp drama, losing a couple permanent shifts because of my injury, and the general feeling of malaise have pushed me over the edge. Enough. Is. Enough. I’m fixing this karma thing once and for all. For all of the bad, I am endeavoring to push GOODWILL upon my fellow-man. Whether they like it or not. I let people pull out in front of me at busy intersections. I visited Audreezy at her job just because I know she is having a rough time, and maybe a plastic hedgehog and alligator will cheer her up just a little. I volunteered to help Naomi bake 300 cupcakes. I try my darndest to give the homeless guys on McMillan a water or a granola bar every time. Heck, even though he peed on me (you would not believe how much acorn-scented pee rabbits contain. Literally, like a good 8 ounces at least) like crazy, I still hooked Lenny up with a few extra yogurt treats. The Center for Community Engagement is about to give me a plaque for the amount of special events I am going to volunteer at.

Today, I feel good. I feel pretty un-cursed. My stitches came out (even though the gash started splitting open and the nurse had to majorly scramble to butterfly bandage and glue it back together before catastrophe – that was unexpected) and I can move my toe now! I have an A in calculus. It was eighty degrees today. I feel grand. This is as close to Elisabeast as I have felt in quite a spell. And with a little good luck (I also attribute some of it to owning a whole, live rabbit – not just the foot), I think I could get even closer. So, without further adieu…

Dear ancestral curse,

In the words of Brett Shady, “You ain’t got the best of me.”



P.s. Listen to these songs I discovered.

Brett Shady – “Angels, Ghosts, and Demons”

Future Islands – “Beach Foam” (listen to it without watching the video. It makes it way better)

And this handsome gent is Frank Fairfield:

I love his music. And I love his line “Music comes out of the landscape, and it’s nice to see the American landscape.” How very Sandburg of him.

P.P.S. I read this written in chalk on a wall today: “Be yourself! Everybody else is already taken.”

Best. April. Ever

3 May

I have written a lot of good starts to blog posts recently. I thought they were pretty funny – I did one about my crazy experience with the waterski team and one about my frustrations at the pool at highly unsavory hours. Some were endearing and what I thought to be pretty good writing-wise. The letter of things I wanted to say to Annette before her epic adventure begins the day after tomorrow. The letter to my grandpa Robenalt, who passed away seven years and one day ago. The letter of things I wanted to say after she first told me she was engaged, that rainy Easter Sunday when I was  driving to Cincinnati, lost in a cornfield outside St. Bernard, crying a ton of happy tears because I knew my best friend found her perfect person, someone who will always provide her with that elusive thing called happiness. Please pardon that run-on sentence.

I started all of these things and for some reason, just did not finish them. I found the end result not good enough, not capturing exactly what I wanted to say, not communicating to the fullest potential. Look out for them in the future, hopefully!

However, this one, I am definitely going to post. This series of events is just too ridiculous not to share.

Through deductive reasoning, I have determined that one of my ancestors most definitely incurred the wrath of a Romanian gypsy, and she put a curse on my lineage. And for some reason, in April of 2011, the curse has really come into full force.

The break up. The fever. The accident. The stitches.

All of these things sound like plot twists in the most incredible Lifetime movie. And they all happened to me over the course of the past three weeks. Like, really. Ok. What is next? I am anticipating a bear attack tomorrow. Let me break it all down for you.

The break up

Two weeks, five days, and six hours ago (but really, who’s counting), Joey and I went separate ways. And that’s all I can really say about that without reverting back to the crying, grieving Elisabeth that existed at the beginning of this three week ordeal.

The fever

Days after the break up, I definitely started getting sick. I went to sleep one day with a headache and chills and what was probably a low-grade fever, and I woke up unable to hear out of my left ear and just incredible pain in the head/throat region. I went to doctor #1 and found out I had strep, sans tonsils. And thus commenced a four day fever ranging from 101.7 to I survived a house party that ended in a massive food fight in the kitchen and cops and unsavory activities in the bathroom with adjacent wall to my bed, unexpected speaking in church, and work during this time. I recovered from this, just in time for…

The accident

Mom and dad let me drive their 2008 Civic to Cincinnati so I could have a car to run an assortment of errands over the next few days, and also so dad could avoid driving into the city, which is not his most favorite activity in the world. I was doing great with it until I backed into a pole and did $800 worth of damage. At this point, I was incredulous. How could April get any worse?

The stitches

Oh. April could get worse. Today, seventeen minutes into my shift at work, I slipped on a puddle and fell, kicking some metal piece on the guard stand with my foot. I thought I was great until I noticed blood spewing from my foot. I walked around the corner to the office, leaving a trail of blood behind me. We had to call a Code Red (haha) for the entire building, wrapped it, and my roommates came and took me to the ER, where I received 8 stitches and a tetanus shot – for a gash between my fourth and little toe. Of all places. It is like a paper cut, except the paper cut drank anabolic steroids every day since he was born, mixed with his daily glass of orange juice.

All of these things, and addition to human body parts raining from the sky literally around the corner from my house, are just a lot for one person to handle all at once. Where does it leave me? Exceptionally disillusioned with things like love, trust, and the safety of lifeguard stands. Tired and in increasing levels of pain as the hospital painkillers wear off. Stressed. Poor. So lonely that I adopted a psychotic rabbit named Lenny and call Annette probably four times a day.

But there is more. I’m hopeful. No matter what, seriously, it can only get better. Tomorrow will be better if I do not have to get stitches, which I am most certainly going to avoid. Oh. Wait. I forgot about the bear mauling. I amend that statement. Tomorrow will be better if I can do the little things, like find a good book to read, discover a new band I am crazy about, talk to Annette one more time before she leaves. Because what are trials? Are they permanent states of agony? No – they are temporary challenges meant to make you better on the other side. It might take a few more months of horrible happenings for my other side to get here, but eventually, I will get there.

In the meantime, I better start wearing a helmet. And avoid areas prevalent with bears.

I’m telling you, I am just swamped!

1 May

Every morning I wake up and freak out because I don’t remember where I am and Mary Ann is not there.  Then I remember that I live at Harriet’s house.  Then I want to text Evan good morning! Then I remember that Evan is gone. Then I get depressed. Then I remember that we are engaged! (squeal!) So I stop being depressed.  Then I roll out of bed (this optional…I have just stayed in bed all day before…).

I go to work in sweats and a t-shirt. No…of course I don’t bother with make-up!  I come back. I get in bed. I read and/or watch something on netflix.

I eat Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwhiches and drink chocolate milk out of the carton.

I pack and re-pack my suitcase. Multiple times a day.

I go through stages of what I like to call “Evan mourning.”  First, as previously mentioned, I get depressed that he is gone and that I am leaving too.  I will usually cry and watch a chick flick at this stage. Then slowly I start getting really ticked at Dr. Stahli for making Evan go away.  HOW DARE HE! I usually cry and watch a chick flick at this stage.  Then I realize how ridiculous I am being, and I remember that I actually like Dr. Stahli a lot. So instead I get MAD at Evan’s vocal talents.  HOW DARE HE! If only he were talentless, then he wouldn’t have to leave me! I usually cry and watch a chick flick at this stage.  Then I forgive Evan for being a good singer and begin to feel really lonely.  So, I go to some of our more memorable spots.  Our tree. The HFAC. His house.  Then I get even more lonely because there I am in our spots, and he is not.  So I go home to cry and watch a chick flick.  By that time it is usually late enough to call him after his nightly performance.  So I call him.  We talk for 45 min, and then fall asleep

And then I do it allllll again. My life is weird right now, I need to get to Africa where things will be more normal! (heh).  And I am running out of movies to watch. I even may be reaching a limit on Penelope (I have already watched it 3 times…) That may be the biggest tragedy of all.

And that is my current schedule. The End.

Oh, here is a romantic song for you to listen to!