Archive | September, 2010

The Calculation

27 Sep
Evan and I at Jessica’s Meadow

Sometimes I wonder why I am planning on leaving Provo next summer.  Why am I staying in the library till midnight every night slaving away on applications for Uganda, when I have such a beautiful life here in P-town with the best friends, the best roommates, the best classes, and the best scenery a girl could ask for.

Kampala, Uganda

And then I remember why I want to do all the things I want to do. And it makes me want to go back to the library, miss more parties, and live on Ramen noodles for as long as it will take.

Plus, Provo and all the things in it that I love are still going to be here when I get back.


Before I die, I want to…

25 Sep

be able to do this.

Ps – this is also a sneaky Song of the Day #3

It’s by Muse and it is called “Forced In”. It is nice and creepy. When I direct my very own B-movie about alien zombie sharks that have radioactive flesh and terrorize beach-goers and eat dastardly developers bent on destroying their natural environment, I just might use it in the opening credits.

Song of the Day, part 2

24 Sep

Janelle Monáe is my secret favorite! Her quality of being “off the chain” is exceptionally apparent.

Just check out the hair. She is like the new, female James Brown.

Anyways, her song “Cold War” has been like my theme song for the past week. So. Here. It. Is.

Song of the Day!

24 Sep

I have a new endeavor! I will post a song of the day, every day for at least a week. I need to fill all my spare time without rowing somehow! This is a joke. Free time is still quite elusive. Anyways, this is Day 1!

“End of the World Party” by Medeski, Martin, & Wood.

It is good driving at night music!

“When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter”– Yakov Smirnoff

23 Sep

Laughing is my favorite thing.  And my life has been absolutely full of it lately.

Those people who I laugh with are the ones who mean the most to me.  They make my life one of sweetness and pleasantness.  They call me every Sunday.  They watch chick flicks with me…with chocolate of course.  They look as excited to see me as I am to see them.

My sisters.

My Parents. 25 years and still in love.


Skyler. The closest thing I have to a brother.

Megan and her man, who I am sure I will love when I finally get to meet him.

Jessica. The expert at making people laugh.

Oh…and how could I forget?

Evan Moss. *swoon*

(I realize this whole posting a million pictures seems to be a common theme in my blog posts…I will try to tone it down a smidge…)

Little things

23 Sep

Sometimes, it’s just the little details that completely enrich your day. Here’s a list. I like lists. They are so organized and articulate, skills I do not think I will EVER be able to acquire.

1. Looking out the window from 218 McMicken Hall. This morning, I just let my mind occupy itself. I paid about 15 percent of my attention to my professor, by generous estimate. Instead, I slumped in my chair and blankly stared out of the window. Everything was gray and shaded in the room – for some reason, a line from “The Wasteland” by T.S. Eliot came to mind: “Unreal City, under the brown fog of a winter dawn.” I felt such a disconnect – Unreal City is an accurate description of how I interact with Cincinnati. In my distant detachment, however, I did notice a detail outside of the window that drew me in.

McMicken Hall is the oldest building on campus. UC has tried very hard to preserve it and the campus green around it, along with all of the included trees. I was staring at a tree that could very possibly have been around at the time of McMicken’s completion. It looked like an ancient oak, towering up towards McMicken 218. It had far-reaching branches and sprawling roots. I noticed how vibrantly green the leaves were still, despite the season change. It’s pigment pierced through my murky classroom, and seemed to shake me awake.

I thought, if this ancient tree can hang on and still glow that brightly after hundreds of years, I can certainly do the same in my short lifetime. Anomic renouncement from the city or my social position or anything like that aside, I can still be Elisabeast. Nothing is taking my identity away. Thank you, Really Old Tree. You did me a Really Great Favor today.

2. You do not need to turn the doorknob to open my front door. A gentle push is sufficient. Today, I pretended like I had super strength when I opened the door with my gentle push. Thank you, Really Weak Door. You made me feel really strong today. What if my future career path included joining the Justice League of America? Or maybe the Superfriends? You did that for me today, Really Weak Door.

3. My drug dealer neighbor let me pet his dog today. She is absolutely adorable. Sometimes a smile and a wave is just the small detail someone else needs to brighten their day. Small talk and smiling with my neighbor resulted in cute dog petting and a wonderful smile back. Thank you, Drug Dealer Neighbor – I think we provided what we each needed for each other.

4. In my zoo class, I knew how to spell Przewalski’s wild horse. Thank you, Endangered Odd-Toed Ungulate, for reminding me about how much I know about animals, and for helping me remember my passion for learning about them.

5. Janelle Monae and Kid Cudi has some really good songs out. I listened to Cold War and Cudi Zone, performed by each respectively, and noticed some lyrics that appealed to me.

From Cold War:

“This is a cold war. Do you know what you’re fighting for?”

“I’m trying to find my peace. I was made to believe there’s something wrong with me, and it hurts my heart.”

From Cudi Zone:

“On top of the dreams is where I’m found.”

“Only rule of thumb, it don’t really matter just where you from. All that really matter is where you’re goin’ go.”

“When I zone, I’m feeling alright, I’m feeling alright, I forget about it all.”

Sure, they’re just sentences. But, I liked them. I liked their tonalities. And plus, it just kind of made me laugh at myself – which is something that just needs to happen time and again – and here is why. How is it that I can appreciate and admire the intricacies of Ezra Pound, Carl Sandburg, Philip Whalen, and Gary Snyder – all really fly poets – and still be entranced by raps by Kid Cudi?  And my mom is just the same way. She is a sucker for Lil Wayne AND William Ernest Henley. Maybe the appeal comes in the realness of both the poems and the raps. They all have stories behind them; I am intrigues by how such different individuals go about wrapping up and presenting their raw emotions and experiences to the rest of the world, how every artist finds a certain identity in their creative works.

Look at me sounding like an overly speculative lame-o. Thanks for putting up with the rambling. I get like this before going to sleep.

Oh wait. One last small thing.

6. My window finally closed. AND we turned on the air conditioning. Small changes, but the source of abundant happiness in my world. Thank you, Modern Day Air Conditioning Advances, for making it comfortable and easy to go to sleep.

And with 6 little things, I say goodnight.

18 Sep

Dear Annette,

I think you might find this amusing. And also, I think the rest of the world should see it too!



Where my party people at.

17 Sep

I can answer that. (ps – I used a period instead of your typical question mark to denote a deadpan. I do not want you to miss out on my true sentiments just because this is typed!). At the property behind the back yard of my new college house is a steep cliff. It was mankind’s attempt to tame Cincinnati’s crazy hills. Seriously. They are crazy. I am going to have killer calves by the time  graduate. Literally, killer. I will probably be able to choke somebody out with them.

Anyways, on the top of this cliff is a house with a backyard. And, because my room in on the second floor, it is lined up perfectly with this backyard. Which would not really bother me at all – I would love to string an old school can communication system between my room and their house. It seems like it would be an excellent opportunity to make some more friends.

However. My window does not shut. And the occupants of this household are throwing a RAGER party in the backyard. Which means I can listen to said rager all night, through my open window. I am tired and it just finished being Thursday night. So my dear party people – please stop raging. Stop yelling for some girl named Alicia, who is apparently a faceless love interest of you, cliff-dwelling can buddy. And stop smoking weed. I can smell that too. Open windows have a habit of inviting breezes in.

Being tired apparently makes me grumpy. Apologies for the excessive complaining. Here – have a ridiculously rad cover to make up for it.

And also, nothing is cooler to watch at 1:34am than Thundercats. Or anytime, really. So watch it. Anytime! Cheetara is one of my personal heroes. Here is the first episode.

That is all. Goodnight. No hard feelings, neighbors.

Pandora takes such good care of me.

15 Sep

Usually I include my favorite part of the lyrics in blog posts like this.  But I could not choose a favorite part after listening to this song no less than 15 times. Just take a break, sit back, turn up the volume, and listen to Ben Harper here for a few well spent minutes! While this particular song doesn’t really express my current mental state (this song is more reflective of the current state of Annette), I think the words and melody of “Walk Away” are just….beautiful!

Actually, I just decided to post the lyrics so you can follow along. You are welcome. I do what I can.

Oh no
Here comes that sun again
That means another day
Without you my friend

And it hurts me
To look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
To have to be with somebody else
And it’s so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away

With so many people
To love in my life
Why do I worry
About one

But you put the happy
In my ness
You put the good times
Into my fun
And it’s so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door

We’ve tried the goodbye
So many days
We walk in the same direction
So that we could never stray
They say if you love somebody
Than you have got to set them free
But I would rather be locked to you
Than live in this pain and misery

They say time will
Make all this go away
But it’s time that has taken my tomorrows
And turned them into yesterdays
And once again that rising sun
Is droppin’ on down
And once again you my friend
Are nowhere to be found
And it’s so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door
You just walk away
Walk away

When the student is ready, the teacher appears–Buddhist Proverb

14 Sep

On Sunday morning, there was a MEGA stake conference at the Marriott Center which included Sister Beck, Elder Packer, Elder Holland, and Elder Snow. It was a really wonderful meeting.  I didn’t know Elder Packer was so funny, and Sister Beck’s talk is one I will go back and read for the rest of my life.

That same day, there was a CES Fireside (braodcast to Stake Centers around the world) featuring yet another apostle, Elder Scott. I have never heard a fireside quite like it.  My thoughts about it? They are many.

It was a crazy day with a lot of counsel dumped on us.  There were beautiful things said, but also things that left me feeling worried, bothered and confused.  I was in full blown turmoil as I tried to understand what was taught, and why I was the only that didn’t seem to understand.

That being said, the point of this post is to thank the 4th apostle to visit campus in the past 3 days.  Elder Robert D. Hales spoke at the University Devotional today.  While I am sure many were very touched by his words,  I heard things I have needed to hear for years.  I hope Elder Hales knows that at least one person of the thousands listening had a dozen of her deepest, hardest prayers answered from 11-12  at the very top of section G sitting between two of her best friends.  Thank you Elder Hales for discussing that particular theme and using so many exact phrases that have filled my morning, evening and in-between prayers as well as the worried thoughts of my mind and heart and distressed pages of my journals through the years.

Now I finally know what to do.  And I have already gotten started.

Elder and Sister Hales