“I’ll be fine with just forks.”

25 Aug

I am in a transition stage right now, and I am straight up stressin’ about it.

I have a new apartment, my side of the room piled with boxes that I can’t get myself to unpack because I can’t comprehend that this is my new abode. It just can’t be…only last week I was living and loving the busy life of a C.A. cozy in my mezzanine room at Helaman Halls with a buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner, best friends eating it with me, and a boyfriend only a 75 second walk away.  I knew how to do my job–I sometimes did it in my sleep (late night on-call phone calls, and long building prep shifts).

The past couple days I have been sleeping in Alpine and working in Provo. I didn’t mind the commute, it was actually wonderfully relaxing in the early morning and the sunrise is particularly lovely in Alpine.  I absolutely adored seeing so much of my Grandparents.  I love them so much. I had the whole basement to myself including the washer, dryer, big screen TV and the downstairs shower which has the most perfect water pressure. Seriously. It is probably the best shower in the whole world. But it has been hard because I have no structure. No schedule. I have a massive to do list for a new job I don’t even know how to do, and another equally massive to do list for getting ready for school.  BUT I DON’T HAVE A PLANNER (or any paper) to write them in because I haven’t gone school shopping yet and I filled up my last journal.

And I lost my wallet today which is the event that made me finally crack and sit down on Mary Ann’s future bed (because mine is covered with all my stuff) and cry. Buckets of tears. So, I can’t go school shopping tomorrow after work. And I can’t get my eyes checked or teeth cleaned because I need my military I.D. and insurance card. And I can’t drive anywhere. And just now while writing this, I realized I left my phone charger at Grandma’s house. Which is NOT good since I only have one bar left. I have a really sweet roommate I have hardly met because I don’t know what the heck I am doing with my life and she probably thinks I am basically the rudest person ever.

The most frustrating part of this whole thing is that I have HAD to ask for help.  Especially with my wallet gone now. I went to eat my leftover curry from when Evan took me to Thai food last night, when I realized I had no eating utensils. That is when the hot tears started coming.  “You just mega-failed” was all that came to my head–“Mega mega fail, Annette.” Evan offered to walk to the grocery store on the corner and buy me some plastic forks. I said no, I would be fine. He said “Let’s go.” I said some plastic forks would be all I need. He said “What kind of cereal do you want?” “Skim Milk right, you freaking health nut.” “Honey Wheat bread, or Multi-grain?” “Chunky or smooth peanut butter?” “Annette, I saw you look at the prices first and then pick grape jelly because it was the cheapest…stop being difficult and just get the raspberry preserves.” I was being just ridiculous and blubbering around saying that I really would be just fine with forks, while I was FREAKING out inside about what/how/when I was going to eat for the next couple days. More than once he had to spin me around, stop me mid-sentence and say “I want to do this for you. I am offering.” I nodded in gratitude, and tried to get my guilt ridden self to deal with it.

I just hate asking for help.  I should be able to handle things like feeding myself for crying out loud! I should be helping people, not walking around begging for food, and rides.

In short, I am freaking out. Completely freaking out. I guess I will unpack now…and then go to sleep. Please wallet…come back to me. I will never let you out of my sights again!

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One Response to ““I’ll be fine with just forks.””

  1. Megan August 30, 2010 at 12:14 am #

    you need to come over. asap. i want to give you a hug, and we can relax and talk if you need!

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