Football Camp

26 Jun

As a Conference Assistant, I see a lot of different camps come and go. EFY, Swimming Camp, Golf Camp, Tennis Camp, Basketball camp, TEAM Basketball camp (which is different), Dance camp, Clogging camp, and more EFY arrive every week, and leave a few days later.  But none of these camps are as feared, as dreaded, as terrifying as Football Camp.

Imagine your high school football team x 50 with very minimal supervision.  They wreak havoc….and they also just reek if you catch my drift.

This last football camp however was…in general…a pleasure. (This sounds kind of harsh, I actually do like my job and I really don’t mind the football dudes too much. But they do seem to be more messy than the other camps. Let’s be real here). Here are a few highlights. One of these highlights is a very gross, nasty terrible highlight….I will save that one for last.

1. This first one comes from my incredible coworker Megan actually. I am stealing it because I loved it so. So there Megan was, giving a big group of Football players the little shpeil about cards, keys, headcount, etc.  And when I say “a big group” I mean that in every possible way. There were probably a lot of people, and those people were probably very BIG dudes. It is the nature of Football camp. Anyway, she finishes telling them all they need to know, and asks for questions. A couple moments of silence pass, when finally one of them raises his hand timidly and asks “Are we allowed to use the piano?”

Is that not endearing?

2. So there I was, roving around making sure all is well.  I get to May and go check the lobby for any problems.  There are a bunch of football dudes watching a World Cup game, and anyone who knows me knows there was no way I was going to resist watching a little bit.  The Netherlands (I think) made a goal and it was an equally exciting and scary experience jumping up to cheer along with 20 guys, most of which had to have been 6 foot five and 300 pounds. They were big. And I felt very small. I had to stand on the couch to high five one of them.

3. As I was leaving May Hall after that last adventure, one them ran up to me in a fluster. “Miss! There is something wrong with the vending machine!” he said, with a really heavy accent suggesting he hailed from a Spanish speaking country. I told him to lead the way so I could take a look at it and decide if maintenance needed to be called. While we walked over to it, the following conversation took place.

Me:”Have you been watching much of the World Cup?”

Him: “Of course! I’m from Mexico!”

Me:”Wow! So, do you like football camp so far?”

Him: “I’m going to football camp in a couple weeks”

Me:looks at his most definitely football pants “Uh…aren’t you at football camp right now?”

Him: “Oh…yeah. THIS kind of football camp. ha ha.” indicating his pants

Me: “oh. ha ha. Which kind do you like better?”

Him: “I like this football” pointing toward the group of American Football players watching the world cup…the other kind of football. I couldn’t tell if he was pointing to the TV or to his peers.

Me: “wait…soccer or football?”

Him: “My football or your football?”

Me: “My football”

Him: I just like football.

Me: ……which one?

This confusing conversation never got resolved because we got to the vending machine, which leads us to highlight number 4.

4. The vending machine DEFINITELY had problems. Someone’s powerade had gotten stuck. So, the natural reaction I guess was to try to get more drinks over and over again. The result was horizontally stacked drinks all the way to the top. I laughed for a good while and then told them I would call maintenance.

5. As football camp was checking out, I started doing room prep for the next conference which was checking in that same day so I had to be quick. Participants are supposed to leave their blankets folded at the bottom of their beds, but that rarely happens and if it does it usually has to be redone. HOWEVER, as I entered the hall I was pleasantly surprised to see a sports camp counselor stopping a group of departing guys and rounding everyone up for a little “pow wow.”  He stood on a chair and yelled, drill sergeant style “I want all you boys to get your (excuse my french) butts back into your rooms and refold your blankets. Your Mamma’s taught you better than that!” I could have kissed that sports camp counselor right then and there.

ok…prepare yourself…this last highlight is the gross one.

6. So, Megan P. and I were taking the trash out . It is a pain because the trash bags are bigger than us, and heavy, and we can’t drag them because they will rip and who-knows-what would come oozing out.  So, we are waddling along, biceps burning and olfactory senses overwhelmed by nasty.  We finally made it to the dumpster and Megan holds the lid as I fling my bag with all my strength.  We switch places, and Megan flings hers in as I hold it open.

It happened in slow motion…I saw the bag coming, I noticed it was dripping too late and I wasn’t able to duck in time. I got sprayed with trash juice in the face…the putrid mixture getting closer to my mouth than I ever want to consider or think about again.  Who knows what had been festering there for a week! blek blek blek. I think the experience has made me a stronger person though. Or at least a person with a stronger immune system.

And to close, a video that has nothing to do with Football Camp. Think of it as a late tribute to Father’s Day, and enjoy,


2 Responses to “Football Camp”

  1. Katie June 28, 2010 at 11:01 pm #

    This was hilarious! Good stories. 🙂 Sorry about the trash, bleh! I totally would have lost it big time, if you know what I mean!

  2. Blake July 5, 2010 at 7:06 am #

    Thank you for using “nasty” as a noun. We are friends.

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